InLove

This is a confusing issue for many men. I have to admit that I struggle with this same issue. I know for a lot of men we feel that our child will become spoiled and then when they are of age they will be unruly. On the contrary I’ve learned that’s not true.

I spoke with my Father about my childhood and how I was raised. He informed me that as a baby I was babied, as I child I was taken care of and as a man I’m treated like a man. So what I gathered is that there is a time for everything. There is a time to cuddle and love, there is a time to correct and chasten, there is a time to rule and regulate.

So rest assure my friend that your baby won’t be a baby always and there will be a time when your wife will beg you to lay down the law. We have our seperate roles and we have to be sure that we operate in them at the right time.

Take your time and know that even if your child is spoiled as a baby, there is plenty of time to reverse that behavior and raise a well-mannered child. A woman has to give that type of love because as a man often times we don’t posess it. So respect her position and let her give the love that was placed inside of her by God. Then when it’s your turn she will welcome your “tough love” and it will be much needed!

Many people say Love is blind, but in reality it isn’t. Think about who you’ve ever loved without really seeing who they are. Whether it be what they look like or the type of person they are. You had to take it all in before you truly loved them. Now this doesn’t go for the love that you have for a child or your family. I’m speaking of the love you have for your spouse.

Is love really blind? If love is blind then why aren’t their more interracial couples? If love is blind then why do people have problems with interracial couples? If love is blind then why don’t we date and marry COMPLETE opposites? If love is blind then why do looks matter? If love is blind then why does weight matter?

So no matter what they told you about love, it’s not blind unless the person is blind. Love see’s clearly and love love’s what it likes to see. I wish sometimes that love could be blind but unfortunately it isn’t. So before you suffer a huge heartache or go through a lot of unnecessary drama in the name of “blind love”, think again and realize that love is not blind.

So love yourself first and realize what it is you want to love and what it is you want loving you. Don’t settle for less or fall into the pit of “blind love”. You deserve what your heart desires and no matter what it is, don’t label it “blind” if that is what you chose with your own two eyes.

In the words of Paul “it is better to marry than to burn”! A lot of women put so much on weddings and how much they want one but in essence they aren’t looking at the true essence of Holy Matrimony. It is not justified by how pretty your wedding is, or how rememorable it is, or how much money it cost. It is justified by true love. If you truly love one another it wouldn’t matter if you got married in your bedroom.

So I tend to question a woman’s love when she won’t settle for a courthouse marriage. For me it’s actually a test to that woman. Marriage is of God, it was put in place by God. So if you aren’t a God-fearing Christian then your marriage is already lacking it’s foundation. With that being said: why would you spend THOUSANDS for something that may fall through the bottom because it doesn’t have a stable foundation??

In this case it would benefit women to look at it from a man’s standpoint or even an old school woman’s stand point. When I was about to get married my Grandmother said to me “don’t waste all that money on a wedding baby, use that money to get you a car or a house, if she won’t marry you in the courthouse then she don’t love you”. That stuck with me and I couldn’t deny it. It was WISDOM and it made sense.

So before you get married with a huge cerimony think about the start that money could give you and your fiancee and if it still doesn’t make a difference then go with your heart.

God Bless!

I respect the young man that asked this question. It is a tough subject, especially if the man has dreams of his own. What we have to remember is that the woman is the weaker vessel, at least that is what the Bible tells us to remember. Not a lot of women agree with that these days, lol. But I do agree with it and I keep that in mind when dealing with my wife and it helps me a lot.

So if you remember that you have to be extra understanding and compassionate towards your wife and know and believe that when it is your time to shine she will be the first one to support you. If she doesn’t, then that is when you should worry.

In a relationship we have to take turns and help one another reach our dreams. That is a huge focus in this day and age and I guess that is why so many questions like this are flying around. When we look around in the media we see very strong and inspirational couples like the Clintons and the Obama’s, Will and Jada Smith, Jay Z and Beyonce and so on. With that in mind you have to know and believe that it can happen for you too if you give it a chance.

So let her “play” while you work, knowing that one day you won’t have to work and you will be able to “play” also.

God Bless!

This is a hard question because a lot of times both people chasing a dream could cause separation. I mean look at it like this, when you chase a dream you are following a path. But what if your path leads in the opposite direction of your man’s path? Then you two will be going two separate ways.

Now don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with chasing a dream but it must be done in the right timing. You need each other for support when you are chasing a dream so it’s important that you all decide which one needs to happen first. When you do that then someone will be sacrificing and putting their dream on hold to help support the other one. But as soon as your dream has been achieved then you need to begin to support your other half in achieving theirs.

It gets rough sometimes deciding who will go first, but a lot of times it could be as simple as looking at who started first. If you’ve been moving towards this dream since you were 15 and now all of a sudden your husband decides at 25 that he wants to chase his, then it’s only fair that he helps you finish your race first.

So with that in mind I hope that you all can sit down and come to an agreement. I mean after all no one wants to see a separation because two people were too ambitious to support one another in their dreams.

God Bless!

This is the type of question that a lot of women want to know. It relates back to the “double standard”. I have personal experience with this question because I have female friends and my wife has no male friends, at least not to my knowlege.

I know it can seem a bit lop sided or unfair at times, but if he is open with you about his friends then that is a good thing. If a man says he has NO female friends then that is when you should worry. But if you know his friends hair color, occupation, shoe size, boyfriends name, etc. then you don’t have much to worry about in my opinion.

It’s when he doesn’t tell you anything about them that something may be fishy. Sometimes a man just needs to look at, talk to and hear from another female. It keeps us sane sometimes. It doesn’t mean we want to cheat or that we like that female in a sexual manner. It just means that we have took a huge step by being faithful to one woman and sometimes we need to talk to another female just to still feel human.

I know that may sound crazy, but trust me it’s logic. A lot of men would remain sexually faithful to you if you allow them to have a female friend or two. It’s when women want to be selfish and insecure when a lot of men begin to cheat. Take it from the horse’s mouth, I wouldn’t lie about something like this. But then again this is only my opinion, when it all comes down to it you will have to be the ultimate judge. I’m just speaking from personal experience.

God Bless!

This is a funny question because I’ve seen it on a lot of funny movies and they popped into my head when I got this question. The funniest part is that this is really real! I know many husbands chase dreams and don’t ever really think about how it effects his wife and or kids. A lot of times we as husbands spend extra money on our dreams when in fact we could have spent it on our home or family.

I don’t think that there is a problem with a man or even a woman being ambitious as long as he or she prioritizes and puts the family first. Something is really wrong when you see your spouse neglecting bills to chase a dream. That type of behavior can actually ruin a relationship!

In my opinion you should try to sit and talk with your spouse and understand what he or she is feeling while chasing this dream. You may realize the importance or the reality in this passion. But if you not then maybe you can help them realize what is reality.

God Bless.

This is a tough question and a lot of people will have different answers because of our different views on life and religion. Personally I live by the word of God which is the “Bible”. In it the Apostle Paul says “it is better to marry than to burn”. What he is saying is that if you are with someone and you can’t seem to be abstinent and you love them with all of your heart then it is better to be married than to condemn your soul to hell for living in the sin of fornication.

Now that is a tough pill for a lot of people to swallow but so is Christianity in itself, but that is what I choose to live by. So I got married at 23 years old and I don’t regret it a bit. I knew the woman I’m with was the woman of my dreams and that she had everything I was looking for in woman; so why keep looking? Why risk having illegitimate kids or catching an unwanted STD? I decided to marry instead of “burn”! That could sound far fetched but it has kept me “clean”, it’s keep me sane and satisfied.

In my own opinion I would say Marriage is a good thing if you have the right foundation and that is the foundation built by the creator of the institution and that is God Almighty!

God Bless!

This is a very deep question and a lot of times it is very hard to tell. A man can be completely consumed by lust and it may come off as love. That is how men work most of the time. You know how they say “a woman gives sex for intimacy and a man gives intimacy for sex”? That is very true and that is the difference between love and lust.

A woman may truly love so she will sacrifice her body to feel loved back, then on the other hand a man may pretend to love so his lust can be fulfilled. It’s a very scary situation for a lot of women because it’s hard to tell if a man is infatuated with you in a lustful way or in a loving way.

The sad thing is that a lot of times only “time” can tell. The characteristics of the two are identical almost but there is a tell-all that a lot of people don’t know about. It’s the sex factor! When a man is consumed by lust he always wants a tangible reinforcer. He desires physical action all the time!! When a man is consumed by love then he can appreciate the intimate moments without sex. He can kiss and hold and not have to go all the way. He can give you massage and then roll over and go to sleep. He can “please” you and then not ask to be “pleased” in return. That is LOVE! That is the tell-all.

So when finding out if it’s love or lust, BE CAREFUL! You don’t want to misread and give in to soon! The key to it is to let time tell it all! If he waits on you to give in then he will form love either way, but if you give in thinking he is in love before he actually is then you are risking getting left.

Be Careful and God Bless!

They say “two wrongs don’t make a right” and they were just right! If a wrong accompanies a wrong then it will only set up another wrong and the vicious cycle will continue. It take a mature person to break the cycle!

When you break the cycle you become the victor. You are able to sleep in peace and know that you won the battle. The wrong that your partner has done will eat him alive and he will reap a punishment of his own.

It’s confusing to a man when he cheats and you continue to smile and laugh as if nothing has ever happened. Instead of him doing it more he will actually come closer to you to figure out what you’re doing that has you “all smiles”. He won’t want to leave home because he will want to stick around to see why are you so happy and normal.

Cheating is an empty act. There is no pleasure in the aftermath and it leaves a nasty taste in your mouth, especially if you’re in a real relationship when you do it.

I’m not saying you should stay with him after he cheats, because you should actually leave. But if you’ve contemplated cheating to get him back then that lets me know you’ve decided to stay. So if you’re going to stay then do so in grace. Don’t stoop to his level and tarnish your name as he’s done to his own.

God Bless!